sarabear (sarabear) wrote,

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ooo, the last week has flown by for me. in a way it's good, because i've had a doctor appointment at the hutch *every* *fucking* *day* for the last 2 weeks. but, in a way it's bad, because it keeps getting closer to the 6th, and that's when all of the icky stuff starts happening to me. blech.

i don't recomend a spinal tap to anybody, ever. =P the bone marrow actually made me more sore, but the guy doing the spinal tap had to stick the needle in me twice cause the first time it didn't work. *shudder* the drugs they gave me didn't really work... but that was because i was so nervous. i'd lay there and tell all of the doctors in the room, "you're gonna give me more drugs, right? i don't feel them working at all!" and then 30 seconds later i'd close my eyes and be alseep... only to wake back up for a minute and not feel any of the drugs working at all. then, after everything was all over, i relaxed... and passed out for about 3 hours. hehehe. not happy. soo, the doctors and nurses said they had never seen anybody stay awake like that, so next time they'd put me all the way out. YAY!!! but, hopefully i won't need another spinal tap, in which case i'm not *that* scared of having the bone marrow taken out. even though it hurts like a mother fucker.

having the surgery at the end of last week kind of fucked up my weekend. i was supposed to go to the rocky horror halloween show and be trixie, but, my back was so sore that i couldn't move. i basically planted my ass on the couch all weekend. that pissed me off because *this* weekend is my last chance to go out and have fun. i missed cheyenne's last performance with the vtc, and that makes me sad =( i hope he comes back and makes guest appearances at least... but, who knows if i'll be there to see them. i don't know what's gonna happen when i'm all recovered in 574892034867 months... blah. not a happy topic, new one!

halloween!!!!! yaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!! because of my stupid doctor appointments every fucking day of the week, i wasn't able to go out and get anything for a costume. all i had here was a vampire cape and a school girl outfit that i had worn for 2 years. boooring. so, i just put on normal gothy stuff and went to the mercury. zane didn't come with me because he had to work in the morning, so my mom drove me there (because i was still too out of it to drive) at 11 and picked me up at 2:30am. nice mommy =) she just wanted me to go out and have fun. and fun i had! the costumes were *amazing* and i got to see SOOOO many people. leenie, justin, andy, chuckiebear, carl, savannah, cheyenne, eli, aaron, tiffany, sakinah, margaret... sooo many people. andy looked bad-ass as the flying monkey from the wizard of oz, colleen was a hot snake, and carl was the cutest cyber-elf ever! complete with crotch light that could turn on and off. hehehehe. i swear by the end of the night everyone was drunk and i was the lone sober person, laughing at them all. the later the night got, the more people came up, hugged me, and told me they loved me. hehehehe. alcohol's liquid truth, right? ya... so everyone loves me! yay! i only wish i could've stayed later. =( it would've been hillarious to watch colleen dirty dance with jake and aaron. ohwell, i'll have to use my imagination. hahaha =)

last night i went to the mercury again! yay =) but, last night everyone wasn't as happy as halloween. i got to see janette though!!!!!!!!!!! yaaaaaaaaay!! i hadn't seen her in *sooooo* long. she's a sweetie. tiffany decided that 2 of her boobs and 1 of colleen's boobs = 1 of my boobs. hehehehehe. let's see... oh yeah, me, leenie, and janette got hit on by some guy who's a dj. then he asked me if i was lucifer. mmmhmmm... when i asked him why, he said it was because i had "black hair" (i was wearing mr. black wiggy) and that i had "makeup" on. oooooh, i must be the devil! then i pointed out that we were in a goth club and about 90% of the people there had black hair and were wearing makeup. to which he replied, "yeah, but you're doing a great job with it!" i looked at him like i had no idea what he was talking about, and then he smiled, gave me the thumbs up, and said "and i have a girlfriend, so, you're really good!" huh? hehehe. so now i have a new pickup line if i ever become single again... "hey, you're cute, and i have a boyfriend, so you know, you must be REALLY cute if i have a boyfriend"


what else about last night.... i got to talk to aaron a whole bunch, which was SO nice because he's a total sweetheart. he doesn't know me very well, but he kept telling me all night that everything was going to be ok and that he was thinking about me. soooo nice. =) in fact, everyone came up and said that to me at one point over the last 3 days... and it's SO nice to hear. when i'm stuck over here in bellevue and i get caught up in going to the doctor's office every day and *only* seeing the doctor and my family, it's easy to feel like your friends have no idea what's going on with you and that you're all alone. but, everyone made me feel *really* good the last couple nights. yep yep yep =)

most of my friends went home around 2:30, and i was sad because i actually drove there so i could stay out even later. but, i didn't want to sit in the club all alone and only know 1 or 2 people who were hanging out with other people. so, i came home and went to bed. i didn't fall asleep til 4, and i woke up at 10 this morning... but somehow, i'm completely awake. explain that? weird. i'll pass out while i'm having dinner tonight, i'm sure.

so, i've gotta make the most of today, tomorrow, and monday. my last 3 days of sanity. tonight i'm having dinner with zane, his friend phil, and his girlfriend jamie. they are one of the coolest couples *ever* so i hope we'll all be friends for a long time. then hopefully zane and i can convince them to watch a movie with us. i *need* to see 3 movies before i'm put in my plastic bubble.... 1)iron monkey 2) the one (jet li! yay!) aaand 3) monster's inc. cause it looks SO cute!

hopefully i'll have an awesome 3 days. i don't even know my schedule for the next week... but i *do* know that
tuesday: surgery to get the evil hickman tubie thing put back into my chest
wednesday: total body irradiation (joy)
thursday: total body irradiation
friday: total body irradiation

so, i get to look forward to a lot of puking, mouth sores, and a sunburn- to name a few side effects. lets not get into the icky ones, because i'll start crying.

after the irradiation i get chemo for 3 days, which i'm assuming will be saturday, sunday, and monday. and, finally, i'm scheduled to be admitted into the UW medical center on tuesday the 13th. but, that could all change... lovely.

i need to double check with my doctors, but as far as i know now, i can have visitors every step of the way as long as
a) you have to be wearing clean clothes
b) you have to have taken a shower that day
and, most importantly
c) you're NOT already and have NO CHANCE what-so-ever of being sick

nobody wants to be the bad guy who gives the sick little cancer patient pneumonia and kills her, right? right! =)

hehehe. morbid.

ooook, i've rambled on enough for today. i feel bad that i haven't been updating lately. i owe it to myself, so i can have a record of all of the horrible things that have been happening to me. that way, when i'm a famous actress and have just finished starring in my 3rd major motion picture with kevin spacey (*drool!*), i can use my fame to write a book about how much leukemia sucks ass, make a whole bunch of money, and then give it to cancer research people... if there isn't already a better cure. i'm being selfish, and must update more. yepyep. hehehe. i can picture my oscar speech right now...

*hugs* to everyone!!!!!
sara =)
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