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sarabear

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Birthday [31 Jan 2017|07:27am]
Today Sara would be 37 years old as its her Birthday Thank you all for your cards flowers to put by her urn.

ALWAYS TO REMEMBER 🌠

Http://sarafhunt.weebly.com
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in the hospital... [12 Nov 2001|09:41pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

wow.

i can't believe i'm actually here. what's more unbelievable is the catheter that i had shoved up inside me for the last 2 days. the doctors have to give you nasty ass chemo before a bone marrow transplant, and apparently the bladder doesn't tolerate the chemo very well. sooo, for the past 2 days i've had more liquid go through my bladder than it would take to was 47 elephants. =P not really... but it sure seemed like it.

disgusting, huh? ;) my catheter is out now, and i'm just waiting for tomorrow. today was my day of "rest" before my stem cells get here tomorrow. i guess i'm kind of nervous, but i know it's going to be anticlimactic. all the nurse will have to do is hang the bag up on my IV pole, plug me in, and infuse away. in a way it's a kind of second birthday though, so i'm still excited.

my hospital room is nice. i've got semi-cable, a vcr, 2 phone lines (so i can be online and talk on the phone at the same time.. yeeehaw), a big ass bathroom, and a comfy bed. i can't really complain... except for the fact that i'm in the hospital and it sucks ass =) all of the nurses are really nice, and most of them are pretty young. we joke around and get along, so yay yay yay. my room needs more decorations though... it's still kinda bare. so far i've got pictures of trent, a rocky horror poster, and hello kitty lights hanging up on the walls. but, if i'm gonna be here for 3 weeks, i've gotta make this place feel like home.

i'm so sick of all of the drugs they have me on... my tummy feels like it's being turned inside out. ugh. i know it will be all over soon, and i'm really trying to keep a more positive outlook on this than the last time i got sick. this will work, and it will allllll be over soon. hooray for german stem cells!!!!!!!!

hehehe

*hugs* for everyone, i miss you all =)

*sara*

58 comments|post comment

ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow [08 Nov 2001|10:59pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]

pain.

puke.

pain.

puke.

i could write a song about my last couple of days.. =P this entry will be short because i can barely lift my left arm up to the keyboard. stupid hickman line.

my surgery went ok, i suppose... when the surgeon finally came in to meet me, i explained to him where i wanted the hickman to exit my chest. i pointed at the big ass scar in between my boobs, and he just looked at me as if i were crazy. "i never put my lines there. ever. i've been doing this for 12 years and i'm *NEVER* done anything like that"

such a wonderful thing to tell the patient right before they start operating. i was already getting drugs from the anesthesiologst (or however you spell it ), so i freaked out, starting crying, and begged for my parents to come back in the room. my parents brought my doctor with them, and my doctor made the surgeon tell me that he could do it. and he did. but the fucker gave me stiches at the entrance site when he *could've* used steri-strips. so, i think it was his personal way of getting back at me for telling him how i wanted him to do his job. asshole. it's my body. and what girl wants a big gaping hole on the top of her boob? no make-up can cover that up. people would think i had warts every time i wore a low cut shirt.

but, that's over with.

the rest of tuesday evening i don't remember because i was taking perkisets ever 4 hours, and i passed out around 8.

hehe

onto the radiation...

NOT FUN

i basically have to stand straight up in this plexiglass block for 15 minutes on each side while they zap a beam of light at me. it wasn't fun yesterday because i was dehydrated and i hadn't eaten anything, so i was puking the day away. the doctors forced me to get an IV bag of saline, and today went much better. i'm just so glad that it'll all be over tomorrow.

waking up at 6am sucks my balls. =P

i might not be updating for awhile cause on saturday i'm going to be admitted into the hospital. i'll get nasty ass chemo for 3 days, and then tuesday the 13th i'll get my stem cells *hopehopehope*

but i'll email everyone and let them know when they can come visit me.

sleepy time for me now... my lorezapam's kicking in.

*sara*

10 comments|post comment

i smell like dog shampoo. [06 Nov 2001|01:26am]
[ mood | anxious ]

doctors suck ass.

sooo, when you go to the fred hutch center they give you a schedule every week with all of your appointments on it. last week i got a schedule on thursday because i wasn't going to be there on friday. on thursday, my happy little schedule said that i had *1* appointment on monday (today) at 4pm. soooo, i stayed up way too late last night because i could, and woke up at 1 in the afternoon. 15 minutes later i get a phone call saying that i had missed my 1pm appointment, and that i have another one in an hour.

grrrrr.

so much for my go out and have fun plans during the afternoon. =P

i got home around 5:30, called up the cowboy, and he brought me flowers! yay =)

that's the last time i'll be able to have fresh flowers around me for awhile. when i'm in the hospital they don't allow me to have flowers in my room because flowers can have bugs on them that carry diseases... or something. everyone's so anal. =P but, i guess i should be a little anal if i want everything to go smoothly.

back to my evening... zane and my whole family went out to dinner at the california pizza kitchen. mmmmmm... bar-b-q chicken pizza and chocolate souffle cake. i completley stuffed myself because it tasted so damn good, and because i can't eat anything before i go in for surgery tomorrow morning. stupid bastards originally had me scheduled for 9, which meant i could wake up at 8... but now i'm scheduled for 8, which means waking up at 7. grrrrrrrrrrrr. 5 and 1/2 hours of real sleep on my tummy for the last time. *sigh* it's so depressing. part of me doesn't want to go to sleep at all. i should empty out my savings and fly to italy. since all the airlines are supercheap right now, i bet i could live happily for a couple of months without having to work. *sniff* i will go back there... soon.

soooo... yeah. hickman lines suck ass. la la la la la.

i called leenie and talked to her for a little bit. i'll call her snot princess for awhile, cause she sounded *super* stuffed up. poor baby =( i bet it's sympathy sickness for me. hehehehehehe. andy showed up at her store so i got to talk to him for a little bit too. he wants me to think of him when i put on my underwear in the morning.... hmmm..... yeah. silly strutting flying monkey.

hrm.. ooh, i found out that i'm going to be admitted into the hospital at UW *this* saturday, and that tuesday the 13th is when my stem cells are supposed to arrive. the 13th will be known as my "day zero" and from there the fred hutch center will treat me until day 90-100, when i'll be released to go back to my original oncologist here in bellevue. hopefully everything will be wonderful, and 3 months from the 13th i'll get mr. stupid tubie *out* *for* *good* yay. =)

i should get some sleep i guess. but i smell like dog shampoo... it's horrible. and no, it's not because i gave my wonderfully adorable puppy dog a bath. the doctors at the hutch gave me this "pre operation skin cleanser" and said i had to use it tonight in the shower, *AND* tomorrow morning before i go there. it's soooooo nasty. i feel like i've been flea dipped or something. ugh.

that sounds so attractive, huh? hehehehe. leukemia is so sexy. cancer chic. yeah... i can see it on the runways next fall. all the models will shave their heads and have iv's hanging off of them.

the sad part is that people would probably call a show like that brilliant. i should go to fashion school. i have no talent and i want to be rich! i can fake an accent too. bye bye UW, helloooo fashion world. just wait til i get better.

=)

i can't believe all of this shit is starting tomorrow. it's so scary. i'm gonna miss seeing everyone! hopefully i'll be able to have some visitors, and i'll try my hardest to keep updating/emailing. i've got a bad track record, but, well, i'm sick. heee.

*hugs*

*sara* =)

3 comments|post comment

i smell like dog shampoo. [06 Nov 2001|01:26am]
[ mood | anxious ]

doctors suck ass.

sooo, when you go to the fred hutch center they give you a schedule every week with all of your appointments on it. last week i got a schedule on thursday because i wasn't going to be there on friday. on thursday, my happy little schedule said that i had *1* appointment on monday (today) at 4pm. soooo, i stayed up way too late last night because i could, and woke up at 1 in the afternoon. 15 minutes later i get a phone call saying that i had missed my 1pm appointment, and that i have another one in an hour.

grrrrr.

so much for my go out and have fun plans during the afternoon. =P

i got home around 5:30, called up the cowboy, and he brought me flowers! yay =)

that's the last time i'll be able to have fresh flowers around me for awhile. when i'm in the hospital they don't allow me to have flowers in my room because flowers can have bugs on them that carry diseases... or something. everyone's so anal. =P but, i guess i should be a little anal if i want everything to go smoothly.

back to my evening... zane and my whole family went out to dinner at the california pizza kitchen. mmmmmm... bar-b-q chicken pizza and chocolate souffle cake. i completley stuffed myself because it tasted so damn good, and because i can't eat anything before i go in for surgery tomorrow morning. stupid bastards originally had me scheduled for 9, which meant i could wake up at 8... but now i'm scheduled for 8, which means waking up at 7. grrrrrrrrrrrr. 5 and 1/2 hours of real sleep on my tummy for the last time. *sigh* it's so depressing. part of me doesn't want to go to sleep at all. i should empty out my savings and fly to italy. since all the airlines are supercheap right now, i bet i could live happily for a couple of months without having to work. *sniff* i will go back there... soon.

soooo... yeah. hickman lines suck ass. la la la la la.

i called leenie and talked to her for a little bit. i'll call her snot princess for awhile, cause she sounded *super* stuffed up. poor baby =( i bet it's sympathy sickness for me. hehehehehehe. andy showed up at her store so i got to talk to him for a little bit too. he wants me to think of him when i put on my underwear in the morning.... hmmm..... yeah. silly strutting flying monkey.

hrm.. ooh, i found out that i'm going to be admitted into the hospital at UW *this* saturday, and that tuesday the 13th is when my stem cells are supposed to arrive. the 13th will be known as my "day zero" and from there the fred hutch center will treat me until day 90-100, when i'll be released to go back to my original oncologist here in bellevue. hopefully everything will be wonderful, and 3 months from the 13th i'll get mr. stupid tubie *out* *for* *good* yay. =)

i should get some sleep i guess. but i smell like dog shampoo... it's horrible. and no, it's not because i gave my wonderfully adorable puppy dog a bath. the doctors at the hutch gave me this "pre operation skin cleanser" and said i had to use it tonight in the shower, *AND* tomorrow morning before i go there. it's soooooo nasty. i feel like i've been flea dipped or something. ugh.

that sounds so attractive, huh? hehehehe. leukemia is so sexy. cancer chic. yeah... i can see it on the runways next fall. all the models will shave their heads and have iv's hanging off of them.

the sad part is that people would probably call a show like that brilliant. i should go to fashion school. i have no talent and i want to be rich! i can fake an accent too. bye bye UW, helloooo fashion world. just wait til i get better.

=)

i can't believe all of this shit is starting tomorrow. it's so scary. i'm gonna miss seeing everyone! hopefully i'll be able to have some visitors, and i'll try my hardest to keep updating/emailing. i've got a bad track record, but, well, i'm sick. heee.

*hugs*

*sara* =)

1 comment|post comment

how pathetic [05 Nov 2001|04:17am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

it's almost 4am, and i'm still awake. why? because it's my last night to stay up late, and god damnit, i'm not going to bed until i can't type anymore! monday is my last day of being hickman line free. *sigh* here's a spiffy little image of what it actually is.



my last 2 hickman lines exited from underneath my skin right inbetween my boobs. i'm hoping that the surgeon on tuesday won't make it exit higher up on my chest because i don't want big gaping holes all over my body. i've already got one big ugly scar, so they might as well use it. you know? =P

but, i won't think about that just yet. i'm going to enjoy sleeping in on my tummy, because i can't lay on my tummy when that stupid tube thing is sticking out of me. *grrr* let's just hope that my 3rd hickman line doesn't get fucked up like my last one. that was not fun.

.......

on to the rest of my weekend. yay =) saturday i woke up at 10am after going to sleep at 4am. why? i don't know. i couldn't fall back asleep either, so i went through the day on 6 hours of sleep. i wish i could've stayed at the club later than 2:30 on friday night, and i found out today that andy came *back* after he took everyone home, so i *would* have had somebody to talk to. *hrmph* oh well. =P

anyway, zane came over later and we played "grand theft auto 3" on ps2. that game kicks ass!!! stealing cop cars, beating down prostitutes, and running over people never gets old. i could play that game for hours... hehehe. sick, huh? i'll have to convince my brother to bring his ps2 into the hutch for me. yay. hopefully i'll have a game cube though. zane said he would brave lines at toys'r'us for me on sunday the 18th. i want one i want one i want one i want one!!!!!! and god damnit, i deserve one. so zane better push and shove his way through the sea of bellevue blonde housewife hair and get me one.

oh, and i want the blue one, not the black one. hehehehehe. =) at least i already have my copy of "luigi's mansion" reserved. game cube game cube... mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine!!!!!! if only i could read japanese... i'd order a japanese game cube and all of the japanese versions of the games. the japanese one has a dvd player in it too. =P lucky bastards.

i will get one on the 18th. =I

so, back to my weekend. zane and i went over to phil and jamie's apartment in the u district. they had a hello kitty sticker book and 3 packs of stickers for me when we got there =) they are SO nice!!!! jamie went hello kitty crazy and she got me a light up play castle, a coloring book, crayons, a squishy doll, tons of erasers, band-aids, and lastly the sticker book. she's so sweet! =)

we all went out to dinner at this restaraunt right next to where my old oceanography class used to be. i forget what it's called... acqua verde or something like that. the steak tacos were yummmmmmmmmmmy. zane tried to get me to eat catfish. *i* *don't* *think* *so!* there's something disgusting about the word "catfish," at least, to me there is. i have no intention of ever eating it, but he keeps trying. silly boy.

after dinner we were going to go to ruby's so they could all get a drink, but when we walked by the varsity (sniff), we noticed that "iron monkey" was going to start in 20 minutes. yay!! so, they slammed drinks at ruby's and we made it in time for the previews. it was a shame though, cause they showed a preview for "from hell" which i had already seen, and then one for "the one" which my brother said wasn't as good as he had hoped. ohwell. iron monkey kicked ass!!!!!!! i had no idea it was going to be as cheesey as it was, and the final fight scene was AMAZING!!!!! i was laughing the whole time, and i really, really enjoyed it. yep yep, go see it.

afterwards zane dropped me off, and i watched the last hour of a pretty shitty saturday night live before finally passing out.

at least i slept in til noon today. that's more normal sara sleeping behavior.

the antibiotics that the doctors at the hutch have me on are making me sick. i've had them before, and i told the doctors that they made me sick. for some reason, this antibiotic is the best for pre-transplant patients, and they decided that they would "desensitize" me to it. so for 2 weeks i've been taking gradually increased doses of this shit, and 2 days ago i reached the full dose. guess what? i got sick! i feel like i'm going to puke. =P hopefully tomorrow after my consultation they can put me on something else, or give me something to counter act what this shit is doing to me. i don't need to go into radiation therapy or the hospital already feeling like i'm going to throw up, you know? bastards. de-sensitize my left NUT!

grr.

so, i lounged around today, played more grand theft auto 3, and went out to dinner with zane and my parents to casa vallarta. mmmmmm, chicken chimichanga. YUM. i scarfed as much restaraunt salsa as i could, because after i go into the hospital, i won't be able to eat salsa put on the table at restaraunts for a long-ass time. the same thing goes for any side of sauce that restaraunts give you. no ranch or tartar or barbeque or anything. apparently the chances of me getting a food borne illness are increased a whole bunch and getting sick is the last thing they want for me. they even make me and my mom take a class at the hutch about "food safety" so i know how to prepare certain foods and what i can't eat when i go out. LAME. lamelamelamelamelamelamelame.

i know this stupid transplant is going to save my life, but god damnit... even though i'm not really going to be in a plastic bubble, that sure is what it's going to feel like for a long time. all i can say is, i better lose a lot of weight. hell, if i can go in the hospital and puke my guts up for a month, the least it can do for me is make me drop 20 pounds. that would make me happy. but, we'll see. the first time i got sick i lost 10 pounds and gained it back when i got better, but the last time i was in the hospital, the chemo didn't make me sick at all. in fact, it made me hungry, so i kept eating. grrrrrrr. stupid extra 10 pounds. it makes it extremely hard to go out dancing when none of my fucking club clothes fit me! ugh. i managed though. thank god for spandex and for the fact that i bought a skirt too big for me on purpose while i was working at the metro. i got it big so i could wear it around my hips... now it fits my tummy. ugh.

the weight will go away. lalala.

i'm rambling.

tomorrow i have an appointment at 4 at the hutch to talk to all of my doctors before i start radiation on wednesday. i'm not really looking forward to it, because i know they'll go over every possible horrible side effect and i'll start crying. again. stupid stupid stupid leukemia. mother fuck.

ugh.

i was hoping to see colleen and justin one last time before i'm tubed, but after talking to leenie today... i better keep my distance. she sounded all snotted up and miserable, so, i'll let her enjoy her cold by herself. i wish i could see them, but, oh well. hopefully i'll do something fun tomorrow night. i keep trying to think of ideas, but none are coming to me. maybe i'll have a vision in my dream.... or not. i'd like to go shopping somewhere, but then i start thinking, why? what am i gonna do with anything that i buy? nothing. i can't buy clothes cause i don't know what's going to happen with my weight, and i'd like anything new to fit me when i'm all done. i can't go buy makeup (which i love so dearly) because it's not like i'm gonna be going anywhere that requires it for a long ass time. all i can buy is shit to keep me entertained in the hospital, and that just depresses me. stupid shopping. =P

maybe i should go get some new cd's and movies. the radiation doctors said that i can at least bring a cd with me while i'm having it done. i'll be in a room all alone, but there will be a cd player in there. so, yay, trent will get me through radiation.

i'm really not looking forward to having to stand up straight for a half an hour... but... i'll have trent. hehehe. i think after my 4th session i'll be able to sit. i don't remember. i shouldn't complain about standing, cause i'll be standing in front of lung blocks to prevent the radiation from hitting my lungs... and that's a good thing. i'm just a whiny little bitch.

the psychologist at the hutch said it was ok for me to vent and bitch, so... there. =P

ok, finally, i think i'm done. i was gonna send a whole bunch of emails out to people, but that will have to wait for tomorrow because i can finally feel my eyelids getting heavy.

hooray for sleeping on tummys, and hooray for sleeping in!

waterbed, here i come.

2 comments|post comment

oink. [03 Nov 2001|10:21am]
[ mood | happy ]

ooo, the last week has flown by for me. in a way it's good, because i've had a doctor appointment at the hutch *every* *fucking* *day* for the last 2 weeks. but, in a way it's bad, because it keeps getting closer to the 6th, and that's when all of the icky stuff starts happening to me. blech.

i don't recomend a spinal tap to anybody, ever. =P the bone marrow actually made me more sore, but the guy doing the spinal tap had to stick the needle in me twice cause the first time it didn't work. *shudder* the drugs they gave me didn't really work... but that was because i was so nervous. i'd lay there and tell all of the doctors in the room, "you're gonna give me more drugs, right? i don't feel them working at all!" and then 30 seconds later i'd close my eyes and be alseep... only to wake back up for a minute and not feel any of the drugs working at all. then, after everything was all over, i relaxed... and passed out for about 3 hours. hehehe. not happy. soo, the doctors and nurses said they had never seen anybody stay awake like that, so next time they'd put me all the way out. YAY!!! but, hopefully i won't need another spinal tap, in which case i'm not *that* scared of having the bone marrow taken out. even though it hurts like a mother fucker.

having the surgery at the end of last week kind of fucked up my weekend. i was supposed to go to the rocky horror halloween show and be trixie, but, my back was so sore that i couldn't move. i basically planted my ass on the couch all weekend. that pissed me off because *this* weekend is my last chance to go out and have fun. i missed cheyenne's last performance with the vtc, and that makes me sad =( i hope he comes back and makes guest appearances at least... but, who knows if i'll be there to see them. i don't know what's gonna happen when i'm all recovered in 574892034867 months... blah. not a happy topic, new one!

halloween!!!!! yaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!! because of my stupid doctor appointments every fucking day of the week, i wasn't able to go out and get anything for a costume. all i had here was a vampire cape and a school girl outfit that i had worn for 2 years. boooring. so, i just put on normal gothy stuff and went to the mercury. zane didn't come with me because he had to work in the morning, so my mom drove me there (because i was still too out of it to drive) at 11 and picked me up at 2:30am. nice mommy =) she just wanted me to go out and have fun. and fun i had! the costumes were *amazing* and i got to see SOOOO many people. leenie, justin, andy, chuckiebear, carl, savannah, cheyenne, eli, aaron, tiffany, sakinah, margaret... sooo many people. andy looked bad-ass as the flying monkey from the wizard of oz, colleen was a hot snake, and carl was the cutest cyber-elf ever! complete with crotch light that could turn on and off. hehehehe. i swear by the end of the night everyone was drunk and i was the lone sober person, laughing at them all. the later the night got, the more people came up, hugged me, and told me they loved me. hehehehe. alcohol's liquid truth, right? ya... so everyone loves me! yay! i only wish i could've stayed later. =( it would've been hillarious to watch colleen dirty dance with jake and aaron. ohwell, i'll have to use my imagination. hahaha =)

last night i went to the mercury again! yay =) but, last night everyone wasn't as happy as halloween. i got to see janette though!!!!!!!!!!! yaaaaaaaaay!! i hadn't seen her in *sooooo* long. she's a sweetie. tiffany decided that 2 of her boobs and 1 of colleen's boobs = 1 of my boobs. hehehehehe. let's see... oh yeah, me, leenie, and janette got hit on by some guy who's a dj. then he asked me if i was lucifer. mmmhmmm... when i asked him why, he said it was because i had "black hair" (i was wearing mr. black wiggy) and that i had "makeup" on. oooooh, i must be the devil! then i pointed out that we were in a goth club and about 90% of the people there had black hair and were wearing makeup. to which he replied, "yeah, but you're doing a great job with it!" i looked at him like i had no idea what he was talking about, and then he smiled, gave me the thumbs up, and said "and i have a girlfriend, so, you're really good!" huh? hehehe. so now i have a new pickup line if i ever become single again... "hey, you're cute, and i have a boyfriend, so you know, you must be REALLY cute if i have a boyfriend"

hooray.


what else about last night.... i got to talk to aaron a whole bunch, which was SO nice because he's a total sweetheart. he doesn't know me very well, but he kept telling me all night that everything was going to be ok and that he was thinking about me. soooo nice. =) in fact, everyone came up and said that to me at one point over the last 3 days... and it's SO nice to hear. when i'm stuck over here in bellevue and i get caught up in going to the doctor's office every day and *only* seeing the doctor and my family, it's easy to feel like your friends have no idea what's going on with you and that you're all alone. but, everyone made me feel *really* good the last couple nights. yep yep yep =)

most of my friends went home around 2:30, and i was sad because i actually drove there so i could stay out even later. but, i didn't want to sit in the club all alone and only know 1 or 2 people who were hanging out with other people. so, i came home and went to bed. i didn't fall asleep til 4, and i woke up at 10 this morning... but somehow, i'm completely awake. explain that? weird. i'll pass out while i'm having dinner tonight, i'm sure.

so, i've gotta make the most of today, tomorrow, and monday. my last 3 days of sanity. tonight i'm having dinner with zane, his friend phil, and his girlfriend jamie. they are one of the coolest couples *ever* so i hope we'll all be friends for a long time. then hopefully zane and i can convince them to watch a movie with us. i *need* to see 3 movies before i'm put in my plastic bubble.... 1)iron monkey 2) the one (jet li! yay!) aaand 3) monster's inc. cause it looks SO cute!

hopefully i'll have an awesome 3 days. i don't even know my schedule for the next week... but i *do* know that
tuesday: surgery to get the evil hickman tubie thing put back into my chest
wednesday: total body irradiation (joy)
thursday: total body irradiation
friday: total body irradiation

so, i get to look forward to a lot of puking, mouth sores, and a sunburn- to name a few side effects. lets not get into the icky ones, because i'll start crying.

after the irradiation i get chemo for 3 days, which i'm assuming will be saturday, sunday, and monday. and, finally, i'm scheduled to be admitted into the UW medical center on tuesday the 13th. but, that could all change... lovely.

i need to double check with my doctors, but as far as i know now, i can have visitors every step of the way as long as
a) you have to be wearing clean clothes
b) you have to have taken a shower that day
and, most importantly
c) you're NOT already and have NO CHANCE what-so-ever of being sick

nobody wants to be the bad guy who gives the sick little cancer patient pneumonia and kills her, right? right! =)

hehehe. morbid.

ooook, i've rambled on enough for today. i feel bad that i haven't been updating lately. i owe it to myself, so i can have a record of all of the horrible things that have been happening to me. that way, when i'm a famous actress and have just finished starring in my 3rd major motion picture with kevin spacey (*drool!*), i can use my fame to write a book about how much leukemia sucks ass, make a whole bunch of money, and then give it to cancer research people... if there isn't already a better cure. i'm being selfish, and must update more. yepyep. hehehe. i can picture my oscar speech right now...

*hugs* to everyone!!!!!
sara =)

4 comments|post comment

ick. [24 Oct 2001|11:49pm]
[ mood | sick ]

i've been bad... again. almost 2 months with no updates. heehee... ohwell. it would've been a whole bunch of me saying "today sucked, my tubes hurt, i hate being sick" so... there. yay! now i'm all caught up.

my tubes are out right now, thank god. they got all fucked up, actually physically *moved* underneath my skin, and stopped working for the last week i was receiving treatment. joy. i couldn't move my arm, and you could actually *see* the tube poking up from underneath my skin. it was so disgusting. i love needles sooooooo much that getting poked at the doctors office everyday for the last week was a treat. =P~ my platelets were so low that i was bleeding through the band-aids. *sniff*

but, that's over with. now i'm dealing with a new kind of hell... bone marrow transplant hell! mwahaha. this shit is scarier than any movie or story i saw/heard as a little kid. i've been signing consent forms all week saying "this drug has blahblahblah side effects and could cause liver failure, kidney failure, or possibly death. we're still not sure if it's truly beneficial because we've only been using it for a year, but if you don't use it, there's a really *BIG* chance you can die... but, of course, it's your choice... sign away!"

i've had appointments at the seattle cancer care alliance center for the past 2 days, i have to go back tomorrow and friday, and then next week i have to go in on tuesday *and* wednesday! i just want them to leave me alone and stop poking me for a couple of days. i feel violated, and there's only so much blood they can take from me, you know? it doesn't help that i'm scared to death of needles and every time they mention a blood draw i start crying... ugh

tomorrow will be evil. not only do i have to have a bone marrow aspiration (they stick a needle in your back/hip area and *suck* out the marrow), but i get to have a spinal tap as well. oh yes, you read that right, a fucking spinal tap. motherfuck. thank god for drugs, but they can't fully sedate me. i'll be loopy, but i'll be awake, and i haven't been able to stop crying.

you hear all of the success stories about people who have had transplants, and i know that the fred hutch center is the best place in the world to be... but sitting in a conference room with a doctor and having him tell me about all of the horrible side effects of the drugs that they'll be giving me, that i'll be sterile when this is all over, and all of the chances of death just isn't very comforting. what he should do is come out and say "hey sara, you're young and you're chances are REALLY good, so try to relax," but no, i get no such reassurance.

i need to stop writing about this for awhile.

let's seeeee...

zane went to japan for 2 weeks, and he came back with lots of hello kitty presents for me! yay! i wish i could read japanese though, because he bought me this hello kitty virtual pet thing, and the whole instruction booklet is in japanese. i think i have it figured out pretty well, but i know i'm missing something. the book has 20 pages in it, and i *know* there's a combination of buttons that i'm not hitting right. but, anyway, lots of hello kitty for me! i think he had a good time, but he said he missed me a lot, and that was really nice to hear =)

ahh, hello kitty always makes me feel better.

i've got tentative dates for this whole bone marrow thingie... on nov. 5th supposedly i go in and have my hickman line put back in my chest, on the 7th i start total body radiation, on the 10th i start chemo that's 5X's stronger than any of the shit i've had before, and on the 13th i get admitted and get my transplant. thank god i've got a donor, at least. actually, there are 3 people who are reallyreally good matches for me. the one we're going with as the #1 choice is a 23 year old female from germany. supposedly it's good that she's such a close match in age and that she's a female. i don't know why, but if the doctors say that it's good, it has to be good. right? yepyepyep.

ugh blah ick yuck. so, hrmm.. i don't know how well i'm going to be feeling after tomorrow. the bone marrow hurts like a motherfucker, and i've had that done 5 times before... but this whole spinal tap thing is really scaring me. i have to lay "as flat as possible" for the rest of the day, so there goes any plans for me to go out and be normal tomorrow night, and i know i'll still be in pain on friday. let's just hope saturday doesn't suck ass as much for me, or i'll have to cancel all plans then as well.

i miss all of my friends =(

time for bed (yeah, we'll just see if i can fall asleep!) and hopefully more happy news later, but not 2 months later.

-sara

3 comments|post comment

happy-slappy update time... [03 Sep 2001|12:59pm]
[ mood | sore ]

hehe, yes, i'm still alive!

yay.

i've been feeling so crappy... i think today is the first day i've actually sat down at the computer and typed. woo hoo. while i was in the hospital i had mr. lappy (my laptop) with me, but it was so much easier to just click the mouse than actually move my arms and type. so, if anybody has sent me email and are waiting for a reply, i *will* write you back, i *will* i *will* i *will* later... =) =) =)

my right arm is really sore, so it's hard to type. i don't remember when i updated last, and i don't really go back and read my journal after i've posted, so i guess i'll just ramble or something.

my chemo went pretty well. i hate having tubes in my chest again, but i got them put in on the right side instead of my left side, so it's nice to be able to use my left arm again. but my whole chest and back and right arm are sore little fuckers. *sigh* anyway, i went into the hospital on the 14th, and my doctor was REALLY nice and let me go home on the 15th. he said that the chemo i was getting this time (since you can't use the same kind twice) was able to be given as out-patient treatment. woo hoo! that means, i got to stay at home, and only go into the hospital for about 5 hours every day while they hooked me up to the evil machine and pumped icky drugs into my poor, fragile little body. hehe. at least my chemo was a cool color this time. last time i had a red & clear chemo (they use 2 different kinds), and this time i had BLUE & clear. the blue was awesome! it was like liquid smurfs. it made my puke neon green and my pee bright blue. i know you all wanted to hear that. ;)

so! after 5 days of icky chemo, i layed on my ass at home feeling like shit for about a week and a half. carl and leenie came to visit me!!!!!! we talked about so many wonderful things... our conversations are so intelligent! teehee. bastards all want to make out with britney spears, but ONLY if she DOESN'T talk. she just has to lay there. =P~ sickos! all of them.

my best friend rob left to go back to pratt in new york, but before he left he brought by a present for me... a *personalized* cd signed by trent, to me!!!!!! *drrrrrooooooolllllllllllllll*

=D

happy sara!!!!

now, he just has to let me MEET him, and i'll quit bugging him. mwahaha.

and my friend amy's older gay brother jason has come by to visit me twice! woohoo. and he's made me watch horrible movies =P he made me watch 1) flash gordon 2) barbarella *and* 3 (which was partly my own fault cause i was joking about seeing it and then he actually brought it over...) leprechaun in the hood. so, i made him squirm and forced him to watch american psycho. =) =) =) such a good movie. and the book is good too! yep yep.

moving right along now... after a week and a half, all of my body's white blood cells were dead. that's what chemo does. and then, of course, my body has to freak out, which gives me high fevers. this is all normal, i was just hoping that it wouldn't happen this time because you have to go into the hospital if your fever goes above 101. so, it happened and into the hospital i went. *grr* i had a fever of 103 for 3 days. then it went down to 101, but the evil people there (not really, i'm just bitter) won't let you go home until you have a normal temperature for 24 hours. finally, after 5 days of being there, i got to go home. yay.

the worst part about being there, was that i was there on august 29... which marks 2 whole happy years for me and zane =) =) =) =) i've been sick so i didn't even get to go out and get him a present =( but my counts are comming up, and you better believe that my ass is going shopping. he got me SUCH nice stuff. he got me a hello kitty pencil and some rubber stamps just for fun, a really pretty picture frame with a picture of us in it from before i got sick (my red hair... *sniff*), and a BEAUTIFUL blue topaz necklace from something silver. I LOVE MY COWBOY. =) yay.

god... i'm forgetting a lot of stuff... hrm... my parents got me a whole bunch of cute stuffed animal puppy dogs, cause doggies are the best! and my brother got me some really cute hello kitty stationary and a hello kitty makeup bag. =D yay for hello kitty. oh! and zane's ninjutsu instructor and his girlfriend got me a hello kitty crystal light up castle!!!!! i've hung out with these people *twice* and they're getting me presents and sending me get well cards. i can't believe how nice people are. =)

well, i have a lot more to say, but i'm really fucking tired. i'm waiting for my white cell counts to come back up... so maybe possibly i'll be able to go out for a little bit this weekend, and definitely by the middle of next week. one day at a time... =) i miss everybody SO much, and i'm fucking PISSED that i had to miss the rocky show last weekend. bitch ass mother fucker. that's all i have to say about that.

bye bye for now =)

*sara*

4 comments|post comment

5 and 1/2 hours to go... [14 Aug 2001|01:27am]
[ mood | scared ]

*sigh*

this is gonna be a scattered entry. my brain is going a million miles per hour.

i'm supposed to be sleeping. but, i can't. tomorrow i go into the hospital for a lovely 7 days of chemo. yay.

tonight is my last night in my bed without me having that stupid fucking tube thing underneath my skin and popping out of my chest. EW.

i guess i haven't updated in awhile... yikes. and i really don't have time to do it now. i'll give a short summary though. last wednesday i had a meeting with the doctors at the fred hutch center in seattle. they're looking for a donor for me, and when they find one, i'll go into the fred hutch center for about a month (give or take a little depending on complications) to recieve an insane amount of chemo and radiation, which will most likely make me infertile, and then a bone marrow transplant. along with that comes all sorts of happy complications like organ failure, and the new white cells that the bone marrow produces actually attacking my liver, skin, and other organs because it might see me as a foreign object.

lovely, lovely news. but, i really have no other choice. if anybody is interested in getting tested to see if they're a match for me, or just to get listed on the national registery, email me and let me know... i have all the info, but i don't want to post it up here. it'll take up too much space.

the week of chemo that i'm going in for tomorrow is just to knock me back into a remission until they can find a donor for me. that way i won't have leukemic little white cells clogging up my bloodstream in the meantime.

ugh!

why can't i be normal?!?!?!

sheesh.

the past week has been happy. my uncle came out to visit for a couple of days, and my family went out to dinner a LOT. i saw the tool concert with leenie last tuesday, which was pretty good, but very mellow. we had a skanky ass ho bitch sitting in front of us though, as well as a guy who *squeezed* in between me and the guy standing to my right. stupid fuckhead. =P that wasn't his seat. no meeting maynard, but, we had fun. we stuffed our faces at the metling pot before hand, where justin explained the wonders of fondue as if he was an instruction manual on tape. seriously, i haven't laughed that hard in a long time. the food was SO fucking good, that i made my uncle take my family there a couple nights later so we could all enjoy it. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

yummy.

go to the melting pot. go. go go go go go go go.

i've also got to hang out a lot with my best friend rob, who's up living here for a month or so before he goes back to art school in new york. he showed me the test copy of the nine inch nails dvd that he directed/edited and it looks *hot!* awesome shots, yepyepyep. he did a good job, and he says trent is happy. so yaaaaay for him. lucky bastard. i wanna work for trent reznor. =(

on saturday rob, zane, and i got all gothed up and went to the mercury. yaaay. that was fun for about, oh, 30 minutes. then the power went out, and that sucked donkey cock. =P but, ohwell. at least i got to say bye to some of my friends. kelly showed up for me =) that was really cool.

zane has been really wonderful lately =) he's been spending LOTS of quality cuddle time with me, and it's been so nice. i'm gonna miss that when i have the icky tube thing in my chest. *sigh* =P i love him =)

and last but not least, my family has been amazing. yepyepyepyepyep. going through this shit is so hard, and i'm really lucky to have such a loving family.

so, i guess this is gonna be it for awhile. PLEASE EMAIL ME while i'm in the hospital. you can call me there toooooo. and even better, you can VISIT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't know what hospital room i'm gonna be in yet, or when my surgery is tomorrow... but, email me if you want to come visit or call, and i'll give you the #'s & info.

i feel like i have so much more to write down, but i will later. i probably won't update for a couple of days because after i get the tube put in my chest, my whole upper body is bruised and sore for a couple of weeks. =P it's icky.

i'm gonna miss you guys =(

i'm gonna miss being normal.

but, this is a new beginning for me. and after this, no more fucking cancer! fuck. =P

*sara*

1 comment|post comment

lame entry time! [04 Aug 2001|11:06am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

yesterday was good. yep yep yep.

i didn't cry once! and that's the first time i haven't cried since monday. *sigh*

so, ya, i woke up extra late, waddled around my house, and then my whole family met zane at factoria cinemas so we could all see rush hour 2. ever since i was re-diagnosed or whatever i should call it, my family has wanted to do *everything* they can with me while i'm still feeling well. my brother actually went into his work and quit his job so he could spend time with me this week. isn't that sweet? *i* think it's sweet.

rush hour 2 was good.. but the outakes at the end were funnier than the movie. i wish zhang ziyi (did i spell that right?) had a bigger part, cause i think she kicks ass, but oh well. jackie chan is still awesome. =)

sooo afterwards my mom, zane, and i went out to dinner at the galleria. yum yum yum. i was so full from movie theater popcorn with extra "butter" but, hey... i deserve to stuff my face. then we went into tower where my mom bought an endfest ticket. my brother decided to go with his friends, and i didn't really want to hang around his friends all day long, so my mom bought a ticket so i would have somebody to go with. (speaking of which, i should really start to get ready, cause I-90 is gonna be closed soon and traffic getting to the bremerton ferry is going to be ass)

then, after debating for an hour or so whether or not to go out, zane decided he would take me to the mercury. yaaaaay. i don't know when i'm going into the hospital next week, so just in case they decide to admit me next friday, i wanted to go out and wear my thigh high hooker boots god damnit! hehehe. and i did. yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. i was going to get all slutty for the tool show and wear them there too... but oh my, they hurt my feet like a bitch!!!! there's no way in hell i'm standing in those things for hours. nooooooooooo way. i'll have to think of something else to wear. sorry leenie =(

any-hoo, i was happy to see all of my friends, and booty dance with colleen and tiffany 1 last time. yay =) my cowboy danced with me too!! hooray. =D

at about 1:30 took me home, and i passed out. now i need to get ready to go, but i'm so tired =( ugh. i'm sleeping in tomorrow, that's for damn sure.

this entry was lame... but, when i go into the hospital, they're putting the evil hickman line (tube) back into my chest. it makes my whole chest black and blue with bruises for a month. you think i'm kidding, but i'm serious. so, i probably won't be able to type very well. i still haven't decided which side i want it to go on yet... last time it was on my left side, so i lost mobility in my left arm until they took the damn thing out. that sucked cause i'm left handed... *but!* i sleep on my right side most of the time.. and if i have it switched to my right side this time, i'll be even more uncomfortable at night. ugh. decisions, decisions. i bet you're alllll jealous. ;)

k, byebye for now.

2 comments|post comment

=~( [02 Aug 2001|11:52pm]
[ mood | scared ]

oh boy, where do i begin?

today i went to broadway so i could pick up my final paycheck and drop off my employee notebook at metro. nik seemed happy to see me... or at least that's the impression that i got. she said that she talked it over with carl and when i get better i'll have a job waiting for me if i want it. that was really sweet. =) she gave me the in-store credit for being star of the week, and i left before i started crying.

i had wanted to go walking around broadway to try and cheer me up a little, but my brother called my mom's cell phone and told us that my oncologist wanted us to meet with him at 2:30. sooooo, off to the doctor's office it was, considering it was 1:45 and the police had I-90 shut down for the blue angels to practice flying.

my whole family went to the doctor's office with me, and he told me a *little* more about what i'm to expect... basically what it comes down to:

* i go back to the hospital in about a week - week and a half to get the evil tube thing put BACK in my chest for yet *another* round of nasty-ass chemotherapy.

* sometime after my chemo i have to have radiation (i didn't have to have this before and i'm really scared!!)

this will kill all of the leukemic cells in my bone marrow for awhile

* meanwhile, the fred hutch cancer center is looking for a bone marrow donor for me, so when they find one, all of my bone marrow will be dead from the radiation and i go in to their hospital in seattle for at *least* a month so i can have a bone marrow transplant.

*sigh* =( =( =( =( =( =(

i *can* have visitors when i'm in the hospital getting chemo here in bellevue, but i won't be able to have visitors while i'm having my bone marrow shit done. this is because i won't have any white cells to fight off infection, and an infection could kill me. this is going to be a *LOT* more difficult than last time says my doctor... but, what other choice do i have, right? yeah...

next wednesday i have a meeting with the fred hutch people to find out more about the whole transplant process.

thank you SO much to the people who have offered to get tested to see if they're a donor match for me. unfortunately, my brother isn't a match, so they're looking at the national donor list right now. but, apparently there are a couple of hopefuls already picked out... i'm not sure. when i find out how people can get tested to donate, i'll let you all know. and even if they've already found a match for me... i'm sure there's somebody out there who needs a match just as badly as i do right now.

i'm trying to enjoy my week before going back to hell, but it's really, really hard. sometimes i'll be fine and just joking around with zane and my family, and then *boom* i'm bawling hysterically and i can't stop. going out in public is really hard right now.

hopefully i'll get to see all of my friends before i go back... but please remember i *can* have visitors when i'm in the hospital getting chemo, and visitors brighten my day.

*hugs* for now

*sara*

7 comments|post comment

... [31 Jul 2001|04:21pm]
[ mood | devastated ]

well...

my leukemia isn't in remission anymore.

last thursday i had a blood test, and i had been feeling pretty crappy all week with a fever. then yesterday morning my mom rushes into my room bawling because my doctor called and said he needed me to come in for a bone marrow test. apparently he saw things in my blood that looked suspicious, and he needed bone marrow to confirm whether or not i'm sick again.

so, yeah.. we're still waiting for the full results of the bone marrow, but from what my doctor saw, about 10-12% of the cells were resembling the early stages of leukemic cells. i go in next wednesday to "discuss my options" or whatever.

they can't do the same chemo that they did before...cause even though it put me in remission, i only stayed that way for 5 months. they're thinking about a bone marrow transplant... i'm not sure.. ugh.

so. yay. i begged my doctor to let me go to the concerts that i have tickets for this week, and he said ok, but that i needed to stop working and un-enroll at UW right away. so i'm going to endfest, even though i'll probably have a crappy time, and i'm still going to tool... thank god we have reserved seats.

other than that... back to the hospital? i don't know =(

i just want to be normal again.

16 comments|post comment

teehee [29 Jul 2001|06:09pm]
[ mood | determined ]

i should be studying right now, but i'm not!

arf.

i have SO much respect for people who go to school full time *and* have a job during the school year. this school/work shit is driving me crazy! i haven't had any time for myself lately, and sleep? ha... no sleep for sara =(

but, oh well!

i like my job, and my class is full of a bunch of people who must have seriously flunked the quarter before. no more summer classes for me! *shudder* it's so hard to sit in class and hear people try to make interesting statements to the professor with every other word being "like," "you know," and the ever popular, "whatever."

ugh.

i'm gonna go waddle off and study, and hopefully update tomorrow, cause i have the day off. but.. some one just sent me an anonymous tip from justatip.com saying that i should join the circus! hehehehe. see?

Congratulations! Just a Tip is happy to
compliment you.

Here is what the person sending this tip said:

This person feels you would make an
excellent ringleader, trapeeze artist, gy
mellon, and clown.
Should you decide to join the circus, this
person estimates that you would need 1
or fewer years of training to become a
successful circus performer.
You should join the Tennessee Valley
Tri-County circus.

whoever sent that is SILLY!!!!!! =D but i think being in the circus would be fun.

ok, study time. yaaaaay.

*sara*

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*squeak!* [24 Jul 2001|12:32am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

work. school. work. school. work. school. work. school. work. school. work. school.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

sleepy time now =)

at least i had a wonderful weekend with my cowboy. i spent WAY too much money on KICK ASS clothes and thigh high patent leather hooker boots at employee day at metro. la la =)

ooh! advice: don't pay full price for jurassic park 3

but, then again, you probably already knew that.

my class is full of a bunch of idiots who probably flunked the fucking thing last quarter. example? the professor asks "can you define what a 'social problem' is?"
then a stupid (i'm assuming) sorority girl raises her hand and says "a social problem is something that affects us, like, socially. you know?"

no. i don't know.

killme? please?

*sigh*

i have to sleep now.. or, well, i won't be awake enough to laugh at the dumbasses in my class or take out the trash and get raped in the alley when i go to work. hehehehehehe.

night night

*me*

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weekends are nice =) [17 Jul 2001|11:59pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

yes, i know it's tuesday.. but yesterday and today were my saturday and sunday. =) ahh. i wish i didn't have to go into work tomorrow... but at least i don't have to open. and closing with jake is always fun. maybe the little girl who's stalking him will come by and beg him to let her stay over at his house again. hehehe. poor jake... being stalked by 15 year olds.

so, monday i stayed at home and did... ta-da! Nothing! hooray!!!!! i stayed in my pajamas alllllllllllllllll day long, ate jack-in-the-box takeout, and watched movies on tv while cuddling with zane. =D =D =D every day should be like that.

*sigh*

today was nice as well. i slept in til almost 2, and layed around the house all day until zane picked me up at 6. then we drove off into seattle to meet carl for dinner at the maharaja indian restaurant on pike street. yummy indian food! mmm mmm mmm. i wanted to take zane into toys in babeland so he could see the hello kitty vibrator (yes, isn't that sad?? you pleasure yourself with hello kitty's head!), but they were closed for a "clit tricks" class. lame! lamelamelame. so we played some old school video games, said goodbye to carl, and then headed off down rainer ave. to zane's dojo for his ninjutsu class.

i had offered to take pictures of the class with mr. fuji, so i got a couple of good class shots... but they decided to do ground fighting techniques, so the rest of my pictures look like little black blobs, cause the kids in their black uniforms are basically mounting eachother and rolling around in little balls. *hrmph* =P~ i'll have to take mr. fuji back there on a night when they're doing weapons training. la la la.

so... *yawn* i'm sleepy. i wanted to come home and watch tv, but noooo, my whole family is in the other room watching the learning channel or the discovery channel or SOME educational channel that's showing a fucking brain surgery operation from start to finish.

EW.

and they're sitting in there EATING cake while watching it.

my family is fucked up.

i think i'll go play more conker's bad fur day... =)

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y-aaaaaaaaaaaaa-y! [15 Jul 2001|04:41pm]
[ mood | happy ]

=D

i just worked 5 days in a row, and now it's time for my weekend! yeehaw.

i get monday & tuesday off, work wednesday (mop night... oh joy!), thursday off, work friday, and then saturday and sunday off! =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D

oh... wait. i start my summer class at UW this week. blech. i keep telling myself "you'll graduate sooner, just take the fucking class," but goddamnit, it's summer and i want to play. playplayplayplayplay.

oooh, and i got paid today too! yay =) stupid money that gets taken out of paychecks... i claimed 3 expemptions on my tax thingie, and they *still* took $30 out! stupid fuckers. i think i should go change it to 4.

merf.

so, work has been going pretty well. everyone has been *really* nice to me, and i have a lot of fun there. yesterday nik made me put on a pair of red angel wings for "shits n' giggles," (her words, not mine) and they looked CUTE! i always thought the angel wings were lame accessories for "i'm oh, so goth" girls... but i liked them! i had ryan put on black ones and jake put on white ones and a tiara too. hehehehe =) we all looked HOT. hell yeah =) and i made star of the week last week (yay!) so i have an in store credit to spend spend spend... and i'm gonna spend it this weekend. i've picked out a pair of boots... oooh baby. they're MINE. that is, of course, if nobody buys them before i do...

*grrrrrrrr*

MINE.

=D

it's been pretty slow lately, and we haven't really been selling that much, so there's an evil note downstairs saying, well... basically, "SELL OR LOSE YOUR JOB" =P~ !!! scary. i don't wanna lose my job. i like my job. yepyep.

oink.

colleen and i are gonna see tool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks to chuckiebear for holding a pair of tickets for us, and to justin for fronting the money since i was at work and couldn't go pick them up. *lovelovelove*


=D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D =D

eating jellybeans out of maynard's pussy, here we come! =D hehehehehe

(don't ask)

we're gonna be the sexiest bitches at the show!! hell yeah =D i can't wait!!

let's see... what else.. oh! i went to the bruce campbell book signing at university bookstore earlier in the week. he was hillarious, *and* he was really nice. i felt bad cause there were SO many losers there asking him the lamest questions.

would you like an example?

"um, like, i know you've denied it on your homepage and in interviews and stuff, but, would there ever be a possibility of making an evil dead 4?"

ahhhhh!

poor bruce =(

i had him sign my book and my copy of the directors cut of army of darkness. yeeehaw! oh! and we got to tell him what we wanted him to write in our books, so, instead of having him write what he was writing in everyone elses ("gimmie some sugar") i had him write "hey sara, thanks for last night! love, bruce"

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha =D

he was cracking up, but he wrote it! yay =)

tomorrow i'm going bitch kitty bra shopping with my sexy leenie. *meow* haha, she's being taken to an ani difranco concert tonight. poor thing. i'm sending her my pity. ;)

okiedokie... i think that's it for now. time to go lay down and pass out. i'm so fucking tired. =)

*sara*

2 comments|post comment

yaaaaay! [09 Jul 2001|12:58pm]
[ mood | bored ]

colleen called me earlier and i don't have to go into work today until *5* instead of 4.

=D

except... i'll have to leave my house at 4 so i can beat traffic going over I-90. stupid traffic. ugh. maybe i'll leave at 4:15 instead... hrm...

ohwell.

this weekend turned out to be ok after all! my cousin was cool, and i actually wish she could've stayed here longer. i think she needed to get away from her parents... but i bet things will still be shitty for her when she goes back to new york. her other cousins picked her up today and she's off to puyallup for 2 days before she flies to san fran for a week.

poor thing =( she didn't want to go to puyallup (and i don't blame her!), and we told her that she could stay here... but she didn't want to piss her parents off. i guess she didn't realize that her parents would've let her stay here. ohwell.

sooo, my weekend!

friday was cool. i opened, and my mom dropped addy off at the metro at around 2 so i could take her shopping all around broadway. my friend amy is up her visitng for 2 weeks cause her boyfriend chris is in france until august, so she came down and went shopping with us. addy's in her "hippy" phase right now, so i took her all over broadway and she got lots of stuff from urban outfitters.

then we came back to my house and hung out with zane for awhile. i was really fucking tired, and so was she... jet lag and a 6 hour flight. sooo, we went to bed kinda early.

saturday i worked from 12 - 8... and it was definitely my most interesting day yet. 3 people i knew came into visit me, which was cool... kinda. lindsey, one of zane's roomate's gilfriends, came in just to say hi and stare at all the shoes. hans, a friend of mine since highschool who goes to westpoint military school came by, and i convinced him to buy a pair of vinyl pants and a skin tight black shit to wear to rocky (!) hehehehehe, and then heidi came in. i dislike heidi. she was my best friend in highschool, but she treated me like shit, i got sick of it, and i haven't really talked to her since.

so, she comes in, acts all happy to see me, and i tell her to hold on a second and that i'll be right back. there was some convention going on last weekend or something, because there were a *lot* of gay, deaf guys coming into the store wearing name tags and stuff. i had been helping a gay, deaf couple for at *least* a half an hour before heidi came in, and i was *still* helping them. they couldn't read lips very well, and i don't know anything in sign language, so we had to write down everything to eachother. i told heidi i'd be right back, and when i came back 5 minutes later, she was gone!

.....

i find out from my friend rob the next day that heidi said i told her "i'm busy" and that i went off "pretending" to help other customers, even though she could tell i was just ignoring her.

.....

rob told her differently... but still. how can someone be so self centered to think that the whole fucking world revolves around her because i went off to help a fucking customer for 5 fucking minutes.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

so, anyway.

then i get hit on by the weirdest guy... *shudder*

our conversation:

i see him standing by the patent leather thigh high hooker boots, and, since it's not unusual that guys try on women's shoes, i go over to ask him if he needs any help....

me: "hi, is there anything i can help you with?"

him: "god, i'd love to see you in a pair of these"

me: (nervous laughter) "oh, ok.. would you like to try anything on?"

him: "do you have a pair of these?"

me: (lying) "yes, i already have a pair at home, sorry"

him: (nervously) "well, did you buy them for yourself........ or... did... somebody buy them for you?"

me: "i buy my own shoes, thank you..."

him: "well, if you were MINE, you'd have so many pairs of shoes like these, you wouldn't know which ones to try on next"


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

ew.

i ran away and told him if he needed any help to let somebody know.

scary scary scary scary.

so, yea, i got off of work at 8, came home, passed out for an hour, hans and zane and rob came over, i did hans' and addy's make up, i did my own makeup, got my shit together, and then we all headed off to the theater! *phew!*

we met amy and her brother jason at the theater, so i had *5* people sitting in the audience for *ME!* YAAAAAAY. that never happens. my parents were gonna come too... but they seriously think that i'm gonna have justin torture them cause they're rocky virgins. hehehehehehe. =) i promised i wouldn't, but my mom doesn't believe me. besides... i'd rather have them come when i'm playing a cool part like magenta. as if that will ever happen again though =( blah.

the show went well, until the end when the projector cut out. being rocky was fun though =) jamie made an awesome frank, and i got to have sex with savannah... even though i told her to bend over and she laughed and said "no!" hehehehehe =)

i ended up leaving after the show was over, cause i had 5 people who didn't want to stay around for the cast meeting, and i won't be in next month's show anyway. i'm going to endfest! hell yeah! can we say uberzone???? how about keoki????? mwahahahahahaha =D YAAAAAY.

we all went back to zane's house and played pinball and pool until 4 am, when i started getting *really* tired and came home. hehehehe... i ended up sleeping in til 2 in the afternoon the next day. =D

yay for sleeping in!

yesterday i lounged around all day long, watched 2 movies.. requiem for a dream (which was really good!!!), and swimming with sharks (which we own, and addy hadn't seen before)

rob, addy, and i all stayed up talking til like 2:30, and then we crashed out. today i'm still dead, but at least i'll only be at work for 5 hours! YAY! and i get to close with jake. yeeeehaw! he's really cool... and it's so cute when little girls come in to tell him that they're stalking him cause he's so hot. hahahahahaha =) poor guy.

that's about it for now... i think i'm gonna go watch tv and wait for zane to get here on his lunch break. la, la, la, la.

if anybody's bored... come visit me at work! i close tonight, have tomorrow off.. and then... ugh. then i open wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, *and* sunday! woo! funfunfun.

and then school starts. blech.

k, byebye =)

*sara*

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i. am. dead. [07 Jul 2001|10:28am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

uggggggggggggh.

i can't believe how exhausted i am from work. at least i get sunday off... *sigh* i'm scheduled to work 5 days in a row next week though, and i seriously don't know if i'll physically be able to do it. =(

12-8 tonight, and then rocky at midnight. i am *so* not partying after the show. sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep.

last night i was supposed to hang out with leenie, aaron, tiffany, and justin at the mercury... but after opening and then shopping with my cousin for a couple of hours... the tiredness hit me all of a sudden and *ka-boom!*... i had the worst headache in the world and i layed down to pass out.

sorry guys =( i wanted to go!!!

i need to write a note for nik today telling her that next week i start school, and since i'll have worked 5 days in a row i *need* next monday off, and tuesday off as well... so i can get a feel of how stressed my class is gonna make me. lalala. arf. that, and then i will only be working 2-3 weeknights a week. i need my weekends, yepyepyep i do. but i told her all of this when she hired me... it'll just be a reminder note thingie. =)

i know, i'm bitching, but god damn... i haven't felt this drained since right before i went into the hospital and found out i was seriously sick. on top of that, i've been taking it easy since i got out of the hospital in february... so this is the most physical activity that i've done in just about a year.

and it's my journal... so.... I'M FUCKING TIRED!

i hope i wake up soon... cause i get bitchy when i'm sleepy.

ohwell.

that's it for now... i have to go get ready for work. *sigh*

*sara*

1 comment|post comment

arf [05 Jul 2001|04:29pm]
[ mood | my feet hurt =( ]

i'm such a slack-ass! jeeze.

this is what going on vacation does to me. i get thrown out of my usual routine, and it takes me about a month to figure it all out again. i still haven't unpacked from new york yet. my suitcase is still in the middle of my floor...

=D


me <---------------------- LAZY

i can't even remember the last time i updated. oh yeah... the evil strap-on guy.

EW.

so, i've actually had the opportunity to work more and get to know the happy employees at the metro. so far, so good! yay. well, except for the standing up part. after laying down in a hospital bed for 6 months, my feet aren't exactly used to having all of my weight on them for hours on end. =P~~~~~~

my first night i was really scared... mainly cause jake wasn't talking to me that much, but i got to close with him again on monday and we were cracking each other up the whole time. he's really cool. closing with leenie was awesome, cause, well, she's my bitchkitty. and i've got to open twice with nik so far, which has also gone really well. nik is cool, she answers all of my questions and doesn't get annoyed if i forget something and have to ask again. i think i'm getting the hang of it....

i hope!

the customers are fucking hillarious though! i love it when the guys head right over to the girls section. =D there must be some sort of convention going on in seattle or something.. cause for the past 2 days we've had a whole bunch of gay, deaf guys come into our store wearing nametags. it's so cute watching them sign to eachother. yepyep.

arfarfarf. so i get to open tomorrow.. work til 2, and my cousin from new york (who i just freakin' saw) is flying in to visit for the weekend. so, i'm gonna take her shopping alllllllll around broadway, and maybe the ave. she's a troubled little thing. she's spoiled as fuck, her parents are super rich, buy her watever she wants... yet she treats them like shit. i think they're reasonable with her... she's 14 and all they ask is that she tells them where she's going and who she's going out with. oh, and that she's home by 1am. dude, my curfew at 14.. shit... it must've been.. 10? =P~ any-hoo, she's stolen her parents car (when she was 13), got picked up by the cops (on two different occasions), comes home *reeking* of perfume and heads right over to the cupboards for crackers or chips. her parents know she's smoking pot, and they've told her that it's ok to experiment, but smoking it every day, getting stoned at school, and having her grades drop from A's to D's in one year is fucked up. and she thinks they don't understand. *sigh*

so, i get to be a babysitter! AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

ugh.

but... leenie said today at work that she, justin, and tiffany? i think she said tiffany... yeah.. =) that they're all going out for drinks after she gets off at 11. i wanna goooo. i figure my cousin, addy, will be tired from the plane ride over here and from shopping all day long, so i might as well go =)

oh! and aaron might go, cause he came into the store today! he moved back here! hehe =) it totally took nik by surprise.. she was just organizing a sale rack and saw him walk in the door, but she didn't realize it was him so she gave her usual metro greeting.. and then did a double take. hehehe. it was cool to see him again. his evil "friends" in new york kicked him out of his apartment and fired him from his job while he was on vacation. fuckheads. =P

leenie is one happy pixie!!!!!!!!!! ;)

k, i have to go clean my room so i can make room for my cousin to put her sleeping bag in. but, before i do, i just wanted to say that I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!! =D

he took me into seattle last night to see the fireworks over lake union.

neither of us wanted to drive and we were tired as FUCK, but he took me there!!!! we left at 9:30 (the show starts at 10!) and we found a real, legitimate parking spot!!!!!! so we walked like 3 blocks and *boom!* pentagram fireworks! SMILEY FACE FIREWORKS! SATURN fireworks!!!!

right over our fucking heads =) =) =) =) =) =)

the whole show was SOOOO pretty!!!!!!!! and we could see the elliot bay fireworks off in the distance. i LOVED IT!!

i was smiling the WHOLE time. i don't know if he knows how much it meant to me to see them. i was just thinking the whole time.. my god, i'm ALIVE to watch this. when i got home i cried cause i was so happy. hehehehe.

i'm sappy, shut up!

k. off to clean my room.

*huggie-wuggies*

*sara* =)

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